Sunday, January 11, 2009

Forgive and Forget?

Forgiveness is the most powerful tool I have come across in all my years in the self-help industry. Forgiveness is the key to freeing yourself from events in your past that are holding you back.

Holding on to a past hurt is the most debilitating thing you can do. Your mind constantly replays those painful events, strengthen by your emotional response of anger, hate or sadness, you end up creating a vicious cycle in your mind. The worst thing about this is that, if your mind remains focused on events you refuse to forgive, you end up manifesting those same circumstances in your life again.

Forgiveness let’s you take back control of your life, your thoughts now focus on what you want in your life.

Forgetting on the other hand is a little tough for me. Is forgetting a past hurt a good idea? If you forget, do you not run the chance of repeating the same mistake again. I often question aphorisms like “forgive and forget” did the person that came up with it really think it through. Believe me it is possible to forgive, forget and find yourself right back in the same situation. 

Let’s say, in a relationship a partner is cheating on you. You get a gut feeling and you know something is wrong. Later in the relationship you find out your hunch was right (your intuition is always right), you end the relationship, you forgive and move on. 

Which part do you forget?
The partner? 
The betrayal? 
Your actions? 
The gut feeling you had about your partner cheating? NO! 

All I am saying is forgiving is one thing, but don’t forget the point where you knew you should have done something to change the circumstances.

Bottom-line: How can you forgive and forget when you are supposed to learn from every experience in your life?

I prefer to forgive and move on. That is releasing that person, situation or experience from your life by forgiving, letting go and moving on with your wonderful life.

A perfect analogy  about emotional pain:

A past hurt is like a physical scar, it never really goes away. You look at a physical scar, remember the event and get on with your day. You should treat emotional scars are the same way. They are now a part of you, sadly emotional scars never really go away, but like physical scars you should learn to live with them.

You have to forgive, learn from your experience, let go and move on. You are who you are today because of everything you experienced, good and bad. You just have to make sure those experiences are not holding you back.

How do you forgive?
List everybody and everything in your life you feel needs forgiving. 
Find a forgiveness affirmation that resonates with you. 
Repeat your affirmations nightly going over all the people and experiences you need to forgive. 

If a negative thought about a person you need to forgive comes to mind at any time during the day, repeat the affirmation immediately. 

When you feel your affirmations starting to work that is, you feel better about yourself, use a general forgiveness affirmation nightly, this is a kind of maintenance procedure.

Good luck!

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